It's official - I'm a foodie.

I always categorized myself as an eat to live person (as opposed to live to eat).

Lo and behold, I go through my VISA statement today (no judgment, a combination of being bored at work and being surprised at my total made me do it)... anyway, after looking at the expenses, I found out that 35% of my total is on restaurant food alone!! That may not be a lot to other people, but as someone who wants to save money and who didn't think she went out that much, this is crappy news - I can't believe I went this long not knowing that so much of my disposable income is spent on food. It's not like it's even a good way to spend money - the food leaves your system in 24 hours, and when you keep it it's in the form of FAT.

I'm so surprised with myself, and ironically (or not), I've lost my appetite.

How ironic

Now that I live downtown, I get to observe all of Toronto's glories, but mostly I get to see all the crazies that I was sheltered from in suburbia!

While walking yesterday, I was stuck behind a group of yuppies of a certain background, and was getting annoyed with them taking up the whole sidewalk. Lo and behold, a homeless guy all of sudden throws racial slurs at these kids, and saying "he hates every one of them" etc etc. I think they may have missed it (hopefully) but listening to him hissing hatred at them was like a slap in the face - and it wasn't even about me! How ridiculous that someone who probably would benefit from less judgment from the rest of the public could be a vocal racist.

Needless to say I cut them some slack about taking up the sidewalk.

Quelle surprise - Obama won

A little delayed, but not until today did it really sink in that Barack Obama is our new President. Funny, I just wrote that, and he's not even my president!! But I feel like he even represents the hopeful group up north...

For the past few months we have been hearing about how this election is the most important of our time, and it is on so many levels. Barack Obama is the epitome of what it means to live in a global world - background from white and black, a Christian but aware of Islam through his background, younger, educated, technologically savvy (at least his campaign was - amazing use of technology to give ownership of the election process to voters themselves). To choose him was really symbolic to show that America would be choosing a candidate that accurately represents the population of the US.

How much was McCain the antithesis of the man we needed to be the President of the United States? Of course, I acknowledge he is a good, honourable man, whose concession speech was class to the max. But could we really choose a man in his 70s, whose greatest moment came as a POW, and who still glorifies aggressive action? By definition, no matter how "current" this man is, he cannot possess the progressive views we so desperately need.

In this time where leaders are openly deriding and threatening Western countries, Obama provides diplomatic levarage not only through his flawless 'politicking', but his background as well. It's not going to be an easy road, but we have the best person we could have to help us through these difficult times... the big O.

Long-delayed move out day

It finally happened!
It took a long time, for reasons that are valid but no longer relevant - I have finally moved out.

Some part of me can't believe it took this long, and yet I still feel guilty about leaving my parents knowing that I will likely never move back again... in fact, I didn't realize they were in the dark about this fact until my mom asked me last night when I plan to move back. Surprised I said "this is it! I'm not coming back anymore"... it's an odd realization, no matter how old you are.

WOO HOO! I am getting excited! Time for a moving workout tonight :)

Mon

Mon

Purely for enjoyment and oohing and aahing

Sometimes all it takes is a cute picture to really make you happy - simple as that.

Et voila:

Ahhhhh all I can do is smile when I look at this baby (in spite of the fact that his name is Zuma).

Long distance relationships

I can't believe it, but it's been almost a year since I've started the killer phase of relationship - long distance.
Sometimes it gets really tough to deal with, in which case I go into google and do a little search about how other people deal with it - in fact, it seems like a lot of people try this out because of school, work or apparently joining the army and leaving for overseas (can't really compare myself to those).

Anyway, I keep finding lists of tips on how to deal with the long distance, which are mainly these following points:

1) Defining needs: being transparent in the kind of commitment you're looking for, and setting the correct expectations. This one's a biggie - whenever there are differing expectations things tend to fall apart.

2) Setting a end point to the long distance - also a biggie! I can't imagine if someone were trying to go through long distance with no endpoint in mind... that would be torturous to say the least.
B) A sub-bullet to this point is setting an endpoint within the time away - I also don't know how people would survive without knowing when they can see the person next, and it also is a huge help to have something to look forward to...

3) Communication - duh. Emails, calls, texts, mail... spontaneity is a even better.

4) Trust - double duh. Without this no relationship would work, let alone long distance.

I feel like that's it - as long as expectations are set and there is an end to the madness with visits in between, what more can you do?

Hmmmm

So, in the past 36 hours I've managed to:

• Get in a fight with my grandma to the point where I hang up on her (this is not normal behaviour)
• Get in a fight with Adam for the first time ever
• Get a gay porn virus on my computer, and have to reload from factory settings without being able to backup
• No longer consider the Dubai move an option after a month of discussing and applying there
• Find an apartment and decide to move out
• Have my phone stop working and unable to make outgoing calls
• Get on my online banking account on Monday morning to find that my balance is 0 because the company I invested in has halted trading
• Find out I wasn't listening closely enough when my boyfriend was telling me he's sick, and feel like a selfish spoiled child

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to win pity - in fact, the one thing these problems have in common is me, which would make me the cause for most of them. Most situations are inthe person's control, therefore I am no pondering what it is that I am doing wrong to cause these events.

I can answer each one by saying that I made a wrong decision, that these things happened because I was not exercising my ability to be a better person, that a few slip ups in judgment landed me in a boiling hot mess of emotion from Sunday evening to last night.

To be honest, almost the entire list doesn't matter because all the events are in my control and I have almost solved all of them. The only one out of my control is the last one, which is really the only one that matters.

Anyway, all of this to say that adulthood leaves something to be desired, and that sometimes I'd like to go back in time where I could impress the teacher just by making something rhyme. (Did you see what I did there?)

Aw nau

Let's go over the past week or so, shall we?

• Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae are bailed out by the government
• Merrill Lynch is bought by Bank of America (for $85 billion?)
• Lehman Brothers' go bankrupt, which I think I read was the worst bankruptcy EVER
• and the stock market goes to its lowest point this year within 2 days

oh, and the Russian stock market closed at noon yesterday because it fell 10% within that morning



I love this pic, headline CNN right now...

Time to move!!

What's on Monika's booklist

Let's see if we can figure out what lifestage I am currently in... my recent foray back into literary activities includes books such as:

• 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
• Eat, Pray and Love
• A New Earth
• Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

I'm quite sure after 2 years of numbing thoughts and feelings, I am on an accelerated road of self-discovery, only to realize that I don't know how to do it very well, and that I am hoping that reading enough of the books will help me achieve the balance I am so longing for.

Thanks to this path and these books, my mind is now complete mush, and I am feeling lost and surrounded by words like "character ethic", "dealing with loneliness", "establishing goals", "questioning meaning of your chosen path", and "new fall makeup!" Ok, the last one was me cheating by reading a Cosmo, but who knew black lipstick was going to come into style? Yuck. At least I know my clear answer on that one.

Although the description above may sound depressing... ok it is. But I can recognize that what I am going through right now is a necessary painful cathartic process, in one of probably many catharsi (?) in my life. Knowing that everyone is going through this is slightly comforting, but it still does nothing in helping me decide what to do. Where is my relationship going? Should I move to Dubai, Europe or stay in Canada? Am I rushing through things or taking them too slow? What is the worst/best case scenario with all my options? What ARE my options??

This lack of direction and my ability to be indecisive at times is partnering to create an ever-growing sense of panic in my head, which I call the monster (not the sexual kind). So Mon can be fine one day, and then wham! The 'monster' may come out at some unexpected moment, and cause a crying fit for a whole Saturday with no idea as to the purpose or when it will end. These are the times I feel I just want to escape to a hut in a small Greek island and stay there until I feel fit to be reintroduced into society.

I can sense that this is a defining point in my life, and that it is something I have to do alone because as lovely as the people in my life are, they just don't get it. I just have to say I am looking forward to when this phase will pass, because as much as I am learning... it just really sucks.

Monniversaries and such

In the past few weeks, I have celebrated 2 very important milestones: my 1 year anniversary with the bf, and my 2 years at CGI. Both were surprises, one pleasant (in fact amazing) and the other not so great. Can we guess which is which?


Being with W for the past year has brought so much positive change and wonderful times in my life that I can't believe it's already been so long - to think that we made it through 10 of the past 12 months long distance is a credit to W's best quality (his patience and his looks). And it feels like once you hit that 1 year mark something changes - there's a je ne sais quoi in not having to say "months" anymore...


As for my work anniversary, I can say with certainty that there will not be another anniversary celebration in the future - unfortunately, it seems we were not meant to be committed. Woo hoo!

Matthew MConaughey - stupid statement part #1382

Ok, the man obviously comes from a genetic predisposition of idiocy - a brother called Rooster, who named his son Miller Lyte (???). A quick google search showed he lives by the saying "Just keep livin' "(no sh*t) and once said "I love having my hands in the dirt… If it comes down to me versus that weed I’m trying to pull out of the ground that doesn’t want to come out - I know I’ll win."

Then I read an article on People.com (yes, I read it) about how he sat between his girlfriend's legs and played the bongo while she was in labour - if my hubbie tried to pull some kind of drums on me I would flip right out. Or maybe wonder how I ruined my gene pool by procreating with this man...

Sigh... ok, maybe I can see why she did it. Maybe they didn't do much talking.

The ultimate for a foot and fish fetishist...

Foot fungus be gone?

Apparently there's a new pedicure method where instead of softening your feet in just warm water, little fishies bite at the dead skin on your foot and soften it for you! Nice little graphic above...
I would imagine the fish would wander to some feet more than others (a.k.a. the scalier, deader ones), which would pinpoint you as 'that' person...

Dream interpretation

I usually think dream interpretation is silly, but given the types of dreams I have been having the past few months, I couldn't help but google them to see what they mean...
For example, W woke me up this morning as I was dreaming about a polar bear, who kept calling me from a payphone (that is one skilled polar bear) to try and contact me but I couldn't get to him. He needed food and somehow knew to call me but I wasn't able to reach the phone in time to find out where he needed the food.
So I checked what polar bears symbolize:
"To see a polar bear in your dream, signifies a reawakening."

Then I checked what a payphone means:
"To see or hear a telephone in your dream, signifies a message from your unconscious. You may be forced to confront issues which you have tried to avoid. Alternatively, the telephone represents your communication and relationship with others."

In which case, my dream would mean that my unconscious is trying to communicate and confront me about my reawakening.

Which, I would say, is an understatement for my state of mind over the past 2 months... maybe there IS something to this dream interpretation.

Greece

I cannot believe it's already been 2 months since I last wrote an entry in here... I managed to go on a trip to Greece and make a few changes in the life of Mon.



Greece

So... this is the picture that most people tend to love from my album! It's beautiful - the view from the northeast tip of Santorini - Oia, where they say you can see the best sunsets. I think this picture is proof of that!

We got to Greece and flew immediately to Santorini, where we spent 3 nights in Kamari and rented a smartcar for a day. Driving around Santorini in a tiny golfcart car is tough since it's so mountain-y, but was really fun. No donkeys for us!

Then we took a speed/ferry boat to Mykonos, which was even more beautiful because of the white sand, clear blue water, and so many naked guys' bums it was incredible. It really is the gay paradise, judging by all the couples (and crazy singles!) we saw there. We spent 3 nights in Mykonos, in Ornos in a lovely apartment with a pool 2 steps outside our door. Eating and shopping and tanning, and we got a james bond car for the 3 days we were there and visited 4 large beaches.

Other than the amazing scenery, the best part was that I got even more attached to my wonderful bf who made the trip probably the best one in my life... I'm notorious for only traveling by myself since I don't like to tie myself to anyone elses decisions, but this was one of the only times I've ever felt like I was on the same page as someone else. And it obviously helped that everything in Greece is gorgeous, so decision-making was not an issue.

Aren't we cute? And pale, geeez.

More favourite things

#3 - Unexpected phone calls with friends you haven't seen in a while
Didn't realize how good this felt until I got to chat with my friend Jess last night... very warm and fuzzy

#4 - "Don't stop til you get enough" by MJ
This song gets me every time - I want to boogie and dance and not stop til I get enough.

#5 - Traveling in Europe
I am rarely as happy as I am when I can go on vacation in Europe - for the only time in my life I have felt free and relaxed and confident in myself on my past 2 trips alone there. And ironically it's the only time in my life where I have no plans, minimal clothing and make-up and no friends/family to help me if something were to go wrong, and you know what? It feels amazing.

My non-favourite things

So at the same time that I think about things that make me warm and fuzzy, the things that make me cringe come up too.
This list is a collection of pet peeves or just general items/occurences that make me feel yucky... and I've experienced 2 of of them today already (ew).

#1 - People kissing their muscles
Specifically arm muscles - you know when guys flex and show off and then kiss their biceps? Drives me up the wall. In a major way.

#2 - People shushing
I know the temptation is there, believe me - I often want to shush people who are talking in meetings, during inappropriate times, etc. But please! Don't do it! It reminds me a bitter old librarian, and it's so patronizing I want to slap the person back for treating me like a kid. Argh!

#3 - Someone telling me my bad mood is as a result of something else other behaviour, or worse, that's it because I have PMS.
I don't know how much into detail I should go here, but if I'm upset and I say it's you, it's you.

#4 - Disloyalty
This is a tough one - I can't be too harsh because I may dabble in little discussion with one friend about my situation with another, but I know that when it comes down to it, I have all my friends' backs no matter what.

Can we say childhood trauma?

"Busy travelers forget toddler at airport, fly on"

Ok, I'm trying not to be judgmental here, but forget your 2 year old?? I can't say for sure, but when I am a parent I will be on constant vigilance with my child, let alone leave them out of my sight somewhere like an airport.

Oh god, I just jinxed myself didn't I? I am going to be one of those parents that forgets their kid, "Home Alone" styles.

"Charlie bit my finger"

That really hurt... and it's still hurting

Just the most precious video since that baby laughing... watch Charlie's michievious face