Aw nau

Let's go over the past week or so, shall we?

• Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae are bailed out by the government
• Merrill Lynch is bought by Bank of America (for $85 billion?)
• Lehman Brothers' go bankrupt, which I think I read was the worst bankruptcy EVER
• and the stock market goes to its lowest point this year within 2 days

oh, and the Russian stock market closed at noon yesterday because it fell 10% within that morning



I love this pic, headline CNN right now...

Time to move!!

What's on Monika's booklist

Let's see if we can figure out what lifestage I am currently in... my recent foray back into literary activities includes books such as:

• 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
• Eat, Pray and Love
• A New Earth
• Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

I'm quite sure after 2 years of numbing thoughts and feelings, I am on an accelerated road of self-discovery, only to realize that I don't know how to do it very well, and that I am hoping that reading enough of the books will help me achieve the balance I am so longing for.

Thanks to this path and these books, my mind is now complete mush, and I am feeling lost and surrounded by words like "character ethic", "dealing with loneliness", "establishing goals", "questioning meaning of your chosen path", and "new fall makeup!" Ok, the last one was me cheating by reading a Cosmo, but who knew black lipstick was going to come into style? Yuck. At least I know my clear answer on that one.

Although the description above may sound depressing... ok it is. But I can recognize that what I am going through right now is a necessary painful cathartic process, in one of probably many catharsi (?) in my life. Knowing that everyone is going through this is slightly comforting, but it still does nothing in helping me decide what to do. Where is my relationship going? Should I move to Dubai, Europe or stay in Canada? Am I rushing through things or taking them too slow? What is the worst/best case scenario with all my options? What ARE my options??

This lack of direction and my ability to be indecisive at times is partnering to create an ever-growing sense of panic in my head, which I call the monster (not the sexual kind). So Mon can be fine one day, and then wham! The 'monster' may come out at some unexpected moment, and cause a crying fit for a whole Saturday with no idea as to the purpose or when it will end. These are the times I feel I just want to escape to a hut in a small Greek island and stay there until I feel fit to be reintroduced into society.

I can sense that this is a defining point in my life, and that it is something I have to do alone because as lovely as the people in my life are, they just don't get it. I just have to say I am looking forward to when this phase will pass, because as much as I am learning... it just really sucks.

Monniversaries and such

In the past few weeks, I have celebrated 2 very important milestones: my 1 year anniversary with the bf, and my 2 years at CGI. Both were surprises, one pleasant (in fact amazing) and the other not so great. Can we guess which is which?


Being with W for the past year has brought so much positive change and wonderful times in my life that I can't believe it's already been so long - to think that we made it through 10 of the past 12 months long distance is a credit to W's best quality (his patience and his looks). And it feels like once you hit that 1 year mark something changes - there's a je ne sais quoi in not having to say "months" anymore...


As for my work anniversary, I can say with certainty that there will not be another anniversary celebration in the future - unfortunately, it seems we were not meant to be committed. Woo hoo!