What the bleep?

I take the idea of parenthood very seriously. The idea of being a parent is so serious that I'd rather not even have kids if there's any prospect of scarring them or being an unstable parent.

That being said, I put the same standards on the rest of society. Unfortunately, the ability to procreate that's given to almost every living thing (except mules, but that's a separate story). I'm not promoting some fascist way of controlling the population, but I just wish that people were more self-aware and critical of what they can really offer a child. Otherwise this happens.

I know every generation always thinks that society is becoming more Sodom and Gomorrah as time goes by, but I really think there's something going terribly wrong in today's communities. From what I know, the mother was always assumed to be the stable, loving, trustworthy, self-sacrificing and ultimate parental figure. There has been some disturbing rise in postpartum depression, not to mention violence among mothers and it really freaks me out. I think we may find out in a few generations that the birth control pill was really some sort of toxic hormone that poisoned and threw women off-balance - it feels like something is eating away at the foundation and values that we all have, and we keep trying to cover it up with medication and false cures. I really hope that I'm wrong on this.

Seriously? Seriously.

You know, people always rag on women - saying that we could never do a good job in politics since we get our emotions in the way. To that I say:


Really? Grown men in a country like Turkey duking it out in Parliament?? How does this look? Actually quite funny - the fellow from the right is totally trying to get his finger in ‘stache man’s nose… which we all know is the deadliest move of all (no, not the nose!).

While perusing Craig's list this morning (yes, I am finally considering moving out!) I noticed a section labelled "Missed Connections". I decided to explore what that really meant, and had to pass through a "Yes, I'm 18" survey... it was starting to seem suspect.

I was pleasantly surprised to find the website is sort of a wanted ad meets Lavalife profile: in the m4w (men for women) section specfically, it's where guys can write about girls they saw but didn't have the courage to go up to, or about a crush they have and can't confess. One ad in particular I really liked:

"Monday 5.30 pm Bloor subway station"

We both got on the subway at Young-bloor but you got off at saint Clair. I wish I had the chance to talk to you.Cant stop thinking about you.

I love it! It's the whole romantic (a.k.a. girly) side of me that is completely enamoured with the idea that this could possibly work; it's the whole Sleepless in Seattle syndrome. I don't know what the odds are of someone even finding this ad, let alone knowing they're the target of the fantasy... but it's nice to dream.

What are the odds!?

Lo and behold! My friend from ages ago won (or rather her mother did) the lottery! It was half the $20 M jackpot... so lucky! What I would do with 10 million dollars...

Somewhere, in a galaxy far, far away....

I was going to blog about this recent picture on the Hubble website - scientists believe it comes as a result of two gigantic clusters (of what?) smashing into each other. The most interesting part of this pic is the darker ring, which apparently is the elusive dark matter. Dark matter, in a nutshell, is mostly what the universe's mass is made up of. What's more interesting is that scientists can't actually prove its existence but can "infer" it by looking at pictures and measuring gravitational pull and blah blah. I was going to write about how fascinating it is that we know so little about the universe, and that I feel so small when I think about it, etcetera, ergo and vis-a-vis... blast, whatever.

Instead, I decided to delay the writing of my blog - nay, it was not my choice but the choice of annoying coworkers and cubemates at the office. Some would gasp at the idea of delaying writing in a personal blog (which really takes about 5 mins when I get into a rant) at work, but this nice mini-break provides me with some sanity in my work day.

However, I am now seriously annoyed at the stupid programmer jokes, and the coworkers who are trying to assert their dominance over me and the growingly complicated relationships with several of them, and therefore cannot revel in my wonder of the universe!!!!

My apologies. I think I might be PMS’ing.

Zsa zsa ewww?

As always, whenever you think it's sunshine-y outside, that you are boring and no drama can occur, it pours down on you and makes you rethink things that you think could never be shaken.

I am not necessarily saying this about me, but the past few weeks have been especially active in my social circle. It could have to do with it being spring fever, and people's foundations being shaken up by some extra hormones. Changes in career, family, love life, health, etc. has been on everyone's mind.

My recent diversion has been whether or not to activate the still-hibernating that is my love life specifically, since everything else seems to finally be stable. I'm starting to debate the importance of the zsa zsa zoo (SATC - that initial chemistry you get with a guy when it's really special). If it's really someone you can have a future with, do there need to be fireworks in the first moment you meet? Or can you be friends first and grow into a loving and chemistry-filled relationship? My friend Eva is convinced you need the amazing, initial contact in order for it to work. I am inclined to give others a chance - those guys that are great as friends, but who you don't necessarily want to jump within a minute of meeting them.

I am conflicted because I have a few friends that I have amazing chemistry with - verbally, of course. But there's a risk with trying to take it to the next level because 1) what if we're too far gone in the relationship for it to work, 2) if it was supposed to happen, wouldn't it have happened already, and 3) you can lose an amazing friend because of awkwardness.

Everyone always tells me that whatever happens, it's when you don't expect it and it's usually easy. But what if you miss that first window - can you wrench open a window later?

Way to start off the week

I couldn't find an appropriate pic to go with this post - a "frown-ey" face perhaps?

I got to work pretty early today, and went to the walk-in clinic to get make sure all was good after my cold. As I got back, my coworker asked where I was and grabbed me saying that I had to come to breakfast with them... as I came back up with my breakfast already purchased. I thought it was weird, but got the sense that something happened.

Anyway, I should preface this all by saying we have a pretty tight social group at work - until recently, it amounted to about 8-9 people. In the past 3 weeks, 3 of those people quit (right about the time we had a major re-org change announced). Today, we found out that one of the guys (my cubicle-mate) just got fired this morning. It kinda took us all by surprise, so I spent a pretty somber breakfast trying to go through the process of shock, sadness and then acceptance - that way, I would be emotionally stable before my actual boss told me.

I understand that people should separate personal from professional and that I don't know much about this guy and his work ethic, but I do know that he was a great friend to me at work. And for that I can't help but sympathize and grieve his situation - getting let go is never a good feeling, no matter how much you may expect it.

Now it's just Charlie's Angels and Bosley left...

You know what's really hot?

When you're walking to work in the morning (and by morning I mean before 8 am, when people haven't even eaten yet), and the person in front of you decides she needs a breakfast cigarette. Seriously, I really love to witness an old broad in front of me, hacking up a lung and blowing smoke in my face. It makes my day.

P.S. I just HAD to write this blog so I could put up this picture - isn't it a riot?!

Being sick sucks

Remember the days when you were a kid when you would pray to get sick?? It wouldn't happen often, but then you could stay home and watch cartoons and eat all the chicken noodle soup you wanted... ah, those were the days.

These days, getting sick is a curse - not only did I lose Sunday, 1 of the precious 2 days I have off and yesterday. Taking a sick day from work is no longer considered a vacation: I think I was more stressed about missing a deadline/meeting at work being away between my fits of coughing and naps due to drowsy medication. My teacher (a.k.a. boss) is no longer sympathetic - work has to get done, and I don't have a few days to do the make-up homework.

Other than that though, I actually got bored of the TV and watching movies - who would have thought!? It was nice to get dressed up and ready for work this morning, and to see all my colleagues - in general, rejoin the normal, social world. I guess this is what it means to be an adult... I think I just might be growing up.

Where is the line?

With some recent events in the past few days, I've realized that I am sometimes a really naive and gullible person.

I'm not refering to life in general (although I don't fare much better there), but it's the working world, and the behaviour that really has me confused.

This morning, I found myself in a pickle (I've been waiting to use that saying for quite some time now) because of a possibly inappropriate and line-crossing event that happened last night with a coworker. I don't even want to go into details, but I will just say that it was highly unexpected, and while I understand that consultants are humans too, I am seriously considering if this will have any reprecussions on my life - after all, what comes around goes around, and you can't always trust everybody right?

Because of the recent changes going on at work, I was until then an oblivious and happy-go-lucky member in my team. But since there has been some serious org changes, I've been hearing a lot of "you may like your team, but you really have to think of yourself in the end" or "the only person you can count on is yourself" and so on. To be honest, ever since this attitude reared its ugly head at work, the comraderie and quality of work has diminshed greatly - even I, the filter-free and optimist young one have been infected with the "self" vibe.

On that note, I have been seriously debating the issue of trusting people at work - I feel that I can trust friends if they give me a verbal promise not to betray my secrets, but what value does a verbal agreement have at work? If it means getting ahead, or looking good in front of the boss or, horror of all horrors, being fired, would anyone really protect their colleague? The line between friend and coworker invisible during good times, but it becomes painfully obvious when the tough gets goin.

I still intend to keep a positive attitude, but maybe yesterday was the time for my reality check. And really think about the power of my "word" - and watch what I say.

Heart attacks no longer killer?

I found this article on digg.com (after reading about all the controversy - wow, nerds get fiesty when provoked) today and found it fascinating.

It talks about what it really means to be "dead", and how it's almost the opposite of what we've been teaching our medical community until now.

From what I understand, when someone has a heart attack, it's true that their heart stops beating, but the cells actually remain alive and intact. It's only when those cells become re-oxygenated (which is usually during the time the paramedics revive the victim) that they release their self-destructive "stuff" and start to die. According to the article, a new strategy is to actually cool down the body of a heart attack victim and "bring them back to life" really slowly and avoid the release of the "suicidal chemical" the mitochondria would otherwise release. It has an 85% success rate, while the old (a.k.a. current) method had only 15% of people survive. It's amazing!

To think that we could look back in a few decades from now and realize that we could have saved so many people and we had the strategy all wrong. Kind of like how a few centuries ago, people would bury the "dead" who were really just in comas and would actually wake back up while buried. ("Saved by the bell" apparently stems from that, when during the Plague people were being buried alive but unconscious, and morticians started tying bells to their hands before being buried so that they could save them if they woke up. Can we say creepy?!)