A new perspective..

So the word of the day today is “whatever”. And “booo”. And “crap”. Basically any word that indicates some feeling of negativity, (feigned) indifference or profanity. Which is basically my mood for the past few days. Except when it comes to completing my work of course, because of course I am diligent when trying to write this RFP response in the next 3 weeks (eeek).

I can’t seem to get out of the funk after my trip, and it seems that it as affecting more than just me. My family/friends are either frustrated with me, or hurt by my confusion, or just don’t get how I feel. I keep feeling that this trip was different, and I can’t tell what it is except that I feel unsettled and confused and can’t get myself together like I was before the trip. Even midway through the trip I was thinking that I didn’t mind living and working in TO, and that I was homesick, but now I can’t the thought of some big drastic change out of my head.

My friend told me to write stuff down, so this is my promise to myself: I am giving myself til the end of the summer to see if I can shake this feeling, but if I really can’t, then I am committing to making a big change by the end of September. The lease on my car runs out then, and I think it will be the catalyst to leave the security of the family nest and move out - that could also include a move across the ocean. I am promising myself not to limit or disregard any possibilities, and to really think about what I want (and not what others want for me).

Wow, that feels much better. The new word of the day is “ok”, as in it will be.